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I'm 25, and I talked to 3 single women in their 50s about what it's like to use dating apps like Tinder and Bumble. Their experiences surprised me

- Single women over the age of 50 are finding themselves discouraged with dating apps that tend to cater to younger generations and embrace hook-up culture.
- Tinder can be too aggressive for someone fresh out of a 20-year marriage, while Bumble can give an older woman control over her preferences and allow her not be bombarded by messages, women say.
- Some find apps catered to their age group, like Match and eHarmony, "too old" and others like Happn also "trendy."

- Despite frustration, many are leaning into the apps, using them as means to meet people and explore their new single lives.

A few weeks ago, my mom came to me with a question: She was becoming increasingly frustrated with dating apps. Were other single women her age feeling that way, too?

What she was searching for had been innocent enough: someone who she can have fun with, travel with, and end up being in a extensive relationship with ultimately. Been there, done that. Marriage? No, thank you. Kids? TMI. Night stand A one?

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She's over 55, has been married, had kids, owns a true home, and features been providing for herself for years. She was no longer looking for someone to take care of her - she was doing a fine job already - but someone to love and be loved by.

She moved to Abu Dhabi in 2015 and was teaching at a university there, when a female colleague two decades younger introduced her to Tinder. It was exciting and unlike any other dating experience she had before.

"What was exciting seemed to be I was meeting people My spouse and i would never meet," she advised me over the phone just lately. "It is different when you are in a foreign country, you have people from all over the global world, and unless you are usually planning out to club sets and night clubs, it will be difficult to satisfy people."

So, she swiped right. One man she met she described as a multimillionaire who picked her up in a Jaguar limo and took her to the Dubai opera. And she swiped appropriate a great deal. There were lots of late nights out dancing, followed by cozy nights in chatting online, getting to know someone. Another asked her to be his fourth wife after only a couple of dates.

At this point, my mom estimates she's been on nearly 50 dates - some with men 20 years younger. And though she didn't join Tinder with specific expectations, something wasn't clicking. After a yr of applying the app, she deleted it.

"No one I met on the app, none of them, wanted a committed, long-term relationship," she said. "A lot of them are looking for threesomes or just want to have a conversation, but what about me? What am I getting out of that other than having a date once in a while?"

As an older woman, my mom was confronted with a simple fact: she had been now living in a society where the most popular way to date catered to younger generations and fully embraced hook-up culture.

So, what's an older lady to do?

This is also a truth Carolina Gonzalez, a writer in London, emerged along with after her 28-12 months relationship ended face-to-face.

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At 57, she downloaded Bumble - Tinder appeared aggressive as well, i actually had been told by her. She's also tried Happn and OkCupid, but quickly trashed them because she didn't find a big enough pool of users in her age range, or saw the app to come to be trendy too. Internet sites like Go with and eHarmony, she said, seemed "a little too old" and hard to "get a full sense of who is available.”

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She enjoyed the control Bumble gave her, and the ability to not be bombarded by messages but to make the first move instead. It seemed noncommittal, she said; clean, in fact. The variety, though, "can be scary."

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"When you just get out of a long marriage or a long relationship, it is weird to go out with anybody," Gonzalez told me. "Though there is still a hope you will meet someone and fall in love, but I am probably never going to meet someone and have what I had before."

But that, she said, was liberating also. She was free to have 15-minute coffee dates, be vulnerable, and feel sexy. At her age, Gonzalez mentioned, she feels much more confident in who she is - a trait, she said, that younger men find appealing.

My mom said this, too. She frequently matched with men 10 to 15 years younger than her because, she mentioned, she was able to "hold a conversation."

For Gonzalez, dating apps only proved to her that her life wasn't missing anything, except the cherry on top maybe. Her life is not shutting down with age, she said, but opening up. She's in a place where she will be not doing anything she doesn't want to do, and experimenting with going out with apps as a way to have fun as a 50-something divorcée. Bumble enables her move out to the films and supper with individuals and type associations, friendships even, with guys she would possess by no means attained before.

She did, however, see that the options available to her younger girlfriends were much more plentiful. Peaking over their shoulders, she saw her younger friends swiping with much more fervor and not running up against the spinning wheel - an indication the app is searching for more people with your age range and location.

"This is a big business and they are mwill besing out," said Gonzalez, referring to popular dating app companies who don't cater to older people.

Tinder declined to comment when asked to provide its app's age demographics and whether or not it thought its platform catered to older users. Match, eharmony, Happn, and OkCupid did not respond to Business Insider's request for comment.

Jess Carbino, a sociologist for Bumble, told Business Insider in a statement that out of its female users over 40, 60% believe the app will "most likely to lead to the type of relationship they desire."

But how many swipes must a single lady swipe to get there? My mom compared it to panning for gold. (I swear she is not that old.) "You really have to dig in the dirt for that speck of gold, you have to go through hundreds of different profiles," she said.

Though, she questioned, this may not really be completely the negligence of seeing apps, but how people use them.

"Dating apps work for men, and older men, but don’t function for older women," my mom said. "Most women who are older are not looking for hookups, where most men are looking for whatever experiences they can get. How carry out you find those few men who are out there who are looking for a relationship?"

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That is a question Crystal, 57, has been asking for the 15 years she's been single. (Crystal declined to have her last name publwill behed.) She's a single mom living in Pittsburgh, and she's trimale impotence it all: eharmony, Match, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish. Just end up beingfore the holidays, she canceled Bumble, acquiring it all to come to be also aggravating.

She's hopped from app to app like most people do - hoping to find a new pool of available people. But what she determined appeared to be simply recycled information.

"Whenever I go out, We see all these license plates from states all over and think, 'There has to be some available people here!'" said Crystal. "I am self-sufficient, I merely favor certainly not to come to be by itself. I speculation the thought of the long lasting romance scares persons away from."

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Crystal wants to try Silver Singles after Valentine's Day and plans to change her profile to say "just looking to date."

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Her best advice to other ladies her age on the apps: don't list yourself as looking for an activities partner.

"That is when all the weirdos come out of the woodwork," she said.

The takeaway

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I have to admit: as a 25-year-old, the kind of dating the 50-plus ladies We spoke with described is the only dating I possess ever known. However, I grew up in the digital era, where you can be flaky in real life, flirty over text, have low expectations, and shallow notions.

This is a new frontier for older women like my mom. It's not the best message to take into the next chapter of her life - one where she will be newly single and searching for something not so vapid, all the while playing the dating game with rules made up by a younger generation and tools that condone it. She's living in a world where society tells older men that they're silver foxes, and older women to take up knitting.

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In light of that, she's gotten a lot more specific. She realized she didn't have to feel frustrated so often if she just leaned into it.

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These days, she refuses to date Cancers - or any water sign, for that matter. And that is why she recently re-downloaded Bumble: she gets to see right away if a potential match has an unappetizing astrological sign.

I asked her why she decided to do it all over again.

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"If I didn’t have the apps, We would possess no options," she said, laughing. "The benefit is it gives you options. You obtain discouraged and receive off it and subsequently receive single and have again on. It’s a cycle. It's like anything else, the gauntlet is run by you. That's life."

Are you over 50 and using dating apps? Want to share your story?